Ofglen committed suicide.. is it wrong to be relieved? I have this selfish feeling of a weight lifted because my name will not come out of her mouth now. I feel safer now that there is a lesser chance of being caught by the Eyes. This gives me the chance to do anything needed to live. I no longer feel I need control over my body, I've stopped resisting, I've even stopped seeing Nick.
Serena yelled at me on the porch asking how I could be so vulgar, and that I was a slut just like the other Handmaid's, that I will come to the same end as them. This upset Nick, he completely stopped whistling but I didn't dare look at him. I stayed calm and just went to my room as if it did not mean anything.
Night crept on and I sat in my room wondering what would happen. I considered starting a fire with that match, I could die of smoke inhalation. Maybe I could hang myself in the closet by the hooks, or I could just wait for Serena to come up and possibly kill me. These thoughts come to a stop when I hear the van.
Nick opens my door... How could he do this to me? Tell the eyes about me, for his own personal gain of power? How selfish... I hear him tell me they are from May Day and that they are here to save me. I contemplated whether or not I should believe him but this is my last chance. As I walk out the Commander and Serena question these men, and demand for proof. He looks distressed, the commander, like he is losing his last shot at normality. I was his outlet for those feelings and thoughts. I didn't feel the slightest bit bad though.
I walked down the stairs, into the darkness of the back of the van wondering...
Is this the end or the new beginning?
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